When I mentioned what had happened to friends, it became apparent that choking (often without asking first, which is an entirely different conversation!) was far more common than I had imagined. It wasn’t until a couple of men choked me during first sexual encounters that I began questioning what I believed was traditional about sex prior to those consensual, if thought-provoking experiences, I was under the impression that choking was a “hardcore” thing to do. I had heard the term various times throughout my life, sometimes used as an insult, but never took the time to actually consider what it meant, and what the implications behind it were. I myself didn’t put much thought into what is normal or “vanilla” until a couple of years ago. From where I’m standing (or sitting in my chair, on the internet), everyone seems kinkier than ever-and if everyone is kinky, does that mean everyone is actually just vanilla? There’s a Wiki solely for the sexualization of feet. In the past couple years, “daddy” has morphed from a term reserved for dominant/sub relationships to an internet meme. With the term “BDSM” prompting almost 400 million Google results and TV shows like Broad City wrapping plotlines around pegging, the lines of what’s “normal” or not in bed feel, to me, more blurred now than ever.
Monteiro and her partners are far from alone.
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